Welcome to the big house

Facilities Management - it's just like running a household, only bigger, isn't it?

Guest blog by Bernard Crouch

I approach my house, there is Mr Tibbs the security guard keeping a watchful eye from the front window, in a neat bit of ‘bundling’ as those of us in FM describe it, Tibbs is both our security guard and pest controller. However, whilst his pest control efforts are admirable his security work is actually rather lapse, but nonetheless only costing a few tins of Whiskas each week, so well within budget!

The grounds (or front garden) need a trim, I must have a word with our groundsman (that’ll be me!) and get the strimmer fired up this weekend.

Access control is important, partly due to Tibbs and his feline approach to security, so thankfully I have those Yale door locks manufactured to BS 3621.

Inside it’s feeling a bit chilly, so I go to the PC that hosts the BMS (Building Management System) in a house though it’s simply a thermostat on the wall. I am carrying a few heavy items so I might take the lift, except of course there is no lift in the house.

In the bathroom I remember that I haven’t done a legionella test recently, but wait this is a private house where we use the shower every day so no need for that. The bathroom looks like it is due for a clean, Magda the clean is due in tomorrow so that’s all right. Magda is our cleaner, two hours every Friday, thankfully it’s pretty simple she cleans and gets paid, or we get someone else!

The bathroom was refitted recently, I had three quotes from local builders and chose one, of course I requested details of their trade memberships, three years accounts, detailed project programme with milestones, risk assessments and method statements, whilst I provided them with an asbestos register detailing any asbestos known to exist in the house.  Actually all I did was get three quotes and I checked out their references online, job done.

Meanwhile upstairs I notice that my in tray of invoices and receipts is building up, time to call the archive company and have a box picked up, no wait, I’ll just pop it into the loft along with the other boxes of paperwork. Of course I should revisit my health & safety policy before climbing up into the increasingly crowded loft.

On the way downstairs I pass Tibbs who unexpectedly takes a swipe at me scratching my hand, time to speak to HR I think, a member of my team has attacked me for no apparent reason. But hey, I am HR and all the other departments so I’ll have to have ask Tibbs to come to my office and have a stern word with him about his behaviour. I could fire him of course and put out an ad ‘elderly furry security guard, also good at pest control, immediately available’. Of course I would have to train up his replacement, so maybe I’ll just dock his dreamies for a week.
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Yup running a house, exactly like running buildings full of people and issues and policies and paperwork (but no one like furry old Tibbs thankfully).

With thanks to Bernard Crouch of Acumen FM
After many years working in FM and the workplace, Bernardstarted Acumen FM to provide a range of services to help organisations in delivering more efficient healthier workspaces.